


Fall To My Knees

by brokenpromisesandhope



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catholic Guilt, Happy Ending, M/M, Marriage, Mentioned suicide, Minor Character Death, Religious Conflict, mentioned rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 21:31:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10172693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenpromisesandhope/pseuds/brokenpromisesandhope
Summary: Derek hasn't prayed in a long time,  until he does.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends,   
> I think this is really different and amazing! Thank you so much to my amazing beta @juniorwoofles 
> 
> In depth warnings at the bottom.. please read them, though they contain spoilers.   
> I can always be persuaded to write the actual wedding.   
> Comments are love!   
> Xx  
> T

  
 It's easy to send Isaac and Erica to check on Stiles. Boyd hesitates for a moment, resting a heavy, dark hand on his shoulder, before quietly leaving the room. Derek stares at himself in the mirror for a few moments. His hair is gelled softly, beard trimmed to a more manageable length. His eyes, rather the crinkles beside them, are the only way you can tell his age. His hair never grayed, some werewolf thing, but there were crinkles by his eyes from when he smiled. More in the last few years than previously, but still.

He's dressed in a gray suit with a baby blue tie and he takes a deep breath, scrubbing his hands over his face, before sinking to his knees. It's been so long since he did this. He doesn't even know where to begin. He once was a devote Catholic, they all went through communion and every Sunday they would get up and go to church and then come back and make a big breakfast.

On some level, he's felt guilty about it; of course he has. There's been slaves, actual human beings treated as property who managed to keep their faith in God, but he hadn't. It started with Kate, like everything had. He'd always promised he'd save his virginity for marriage, and he'd managed to say that for a few months. And then the kissing got harder, and the touching got more intentional and then it was over. And he'd sinned.

He knew he was a sinner and he knew he wasn't as good as he should have been but he didn't think that God was take his family. He took everyone but him, Laura and Cora. He'd take his aunts, uncles, his mom, and even the babies. They were innocent so why did they have to die? For his mistakes? And hadn't God died for his sins? He'd only make one mistake, he wouldn't do it again. Ever.

Laura made them go to church in New York. She drowned herself in confession instead of grief. Derek tried, but there was nothing he could say, nothing he could confess that would be forgiven. How could he ever be forgiven when he'd already been punished so heavily.

It was Cora who'd died first. Well, she had been murdered but she still died. Somehow hunters had found them and Cora, well, she'd always been curious, especially in the city. Her and her friends would spend hours roaming the streets or taking the subway everywhere. Derek was sitting in his bedroom, pretending to do algebra homework, when he heard Laura screaming. He had run out of the bedroom and saw Laura on the living room floor, phone in her hand.

He fell down next to her, "What's wrong? What happened? Laura? Laura?"  
Laura blinked up at him, blue eyes wide and wet, "It's Cora."

And he knew she was gone. He knew it.

Laura couldn't get out of bed. Derek had to go identify the body. He couldn't make Laura do it. The scent of death is unlike anything he had ever smelt. She was missing chunks of hair and her eye was bruised. There were cuts and burns along her collarbone. The Article in the newspaper is how he'd found out the truth: how she'd been burned and tortured, raped and sodomized. The cause of death had been a heart attack. She'd been so stressed, her body had gone through so much that she, a fucking werewolf, had had a heart attack.

Laura lost it after that. They got out of New York but never really settled down. It had been only three months and they're in Michigan, living in a small house on the edge of a lake. Derek had come home from work on a cold January night ready for dinner. He'd thrown together chilli in the crock pot that morning and he had planned to shower and then get Laura out of bed, where she spent most of her days. Derek knew he couldn’t let himself get to that point. He just had to get through it and get through the day. Every day.

"Laur? Laura?" He kicked off his shoes and headed to her bedroom. She wasn't laying on the bed and he went to knock on the bathroom door. He couldn't hear anything. "Laura?" He knocked again. And finally pushed open the door. The first thing he could smell was blood. Laura was in the tub, head tilted back, eyes closed, wrists slashed.

Derek couldn’t tell you how long he sat there crying over her lifeless body. He felt like he couldn't do it anymore. He's lost everyone, and God hasn't been there for any of it. He had let it happen.

  
So yeah, Derek had a complicated past with religion, and he hasn't prayed in years, but somehow it feels right to clasp his hands and close his eyes. Once he starts talking, he can't stop. He just keeps murmuring over and over, apologizing, begging for forgiveness, thanking him, thanking him for finally letting him get his life together. Thanking him for Stiles. For his beautiful, soon to be husband. Too soon, he hears a knock at the door, and he finishes his sentence, murmuring, "Amen."

Derek wipes his eyes and stands up and goes to open the door; startled a little when he sees Stiles. His beautiful boy with his big brown eyes, suit and bow tie.

"We're not supposed to see each other before the ceremony," he says, voice raspy.  
"I think we'll be okay. Are you alright?" Stiles asks, running his hands up and down Derek's arms to calm him.  
"Yeah, I've just been thinking about us you know? I never thought I'd get to be happy or anything."  
 "Babe," Stiles says softly, "We've talked about this,"  
"I know, I know I just can't believe we're getting married. This hasn't been on the table for years. Being happy hasn't been on the table for years and it's just,"

Derek rubs at his eyes, and Stiles wraps his arms around him,  
"Hey babe, it’s okay. You deserve to be happy, I deserve to be happy, it's been a long time. It's okay."  
"I know but, it's just overwhelming." 

Stiles pulls his hands off his face and wipes at Derek's wet eyes.

"I love you so much, and we deserve this. I promise."  
"I love you too."  
"Now let's go get married, let's prove to the world and everyone they're not going to break us. We have each other, we're always going to have each other, do you hear me?"

Derek nods and Stiles pulls him close, rubbing his back, "I love you so much it hurts. I want to love you for the rest of my life and I am going to. We deserve this Derek. We deserve to be happy. And we are, we are, baby."

Derek nods, "I know. I know, I'm just scared. Every time I get close to someone, they die."

Stiles squeezes his hands, "I am not dying. I wish that the universe would try."  
"Oh don't make them wanna try."

Stiles rolls his eyes, "Can you just kiss me? Can we just kiss and go get married? And then eat our five hundred dollar wedding cake and dance to Uptown Funk?"  
   Derek sighs, looking down at Stiles and then smiles softly, "I suppose."  
Stiles stretches up to kiss him,

"I love you Derek."  
"I love you too Stiles.”

God had taken so much from him, but maybe it was so he could bring him Stiles. Maybe this was the blessing that Derek got in his life. And he was going to hold onto it as long as he could.

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings (containing spoilers):
> 
> It is mentioned that Cora is tortured and raped and dies as a result. Laura commits suicide after her death.


End file.
